Afterwards
by darkangelrawr
Summary: What really happens when Mark Sloane dies, does he meet the one he loves? Just a quick one shot


Meant to be

By Lucia Widdop

**A/N - After finally seeing the first episode of Grey's Anatomy season 9 I just couldn't hold back any longer, Lexie was one of my favourite characters and I just had to write a fan piece about her and Mark, I hope you guys enjoy and try not to be too harsh when reviewing, this is just a story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Grey's Anatomy it is created by Shonda Rhimes.**

Mark

Crying, pleading, then…nothingness.

There's nothing except for silence and whiteness everywhere…

Am I in heaven?

No, that's not possible, I've slept with far too many women to end up in heaven, and besides if this was heaven then she would be here, my angel…Lexie.

"Mark?" I can hear a voice calling to me, female, I think.

It can't be Callie, I'd hear her crying, it can't be Arizona either, can it be…her?

I stand still, I know I'm dead, I'm opening and closing my mouth but I'm not breathing, yet it doesn't matter now.

I shouldn't have thought of that, breathing I mean, because even though my body is gone my mind hasn't and I'm suddenly tormented with memories of that day, that day when Lexie…died.

I think back to Lexie's last moments, her breathing shallow, her hand clutching mine, the tears pouring down our faces.

I think of the pain I felt when I clutched her cold hand, before they operated on me out there in the woods, and how I just wanted them to let me go, let me die and be with her…

"Mark? Is that you?" calls the voice.

I take a shaky step forwards, I feel dizzy like I'm going to overbalance and fall but there's nothing to fall onto or into: no floor, no dark abyss, no cloud filled sky with the hard earth waiting to claim our lives, nothing, just white…everywhere.

The sheer light is blinding me, I squeeze my eyes shut to stop my vision blurring and then I open them and there she is waiting.

There's no sign of blood, dirt and gunk over her body like before, this time, she's stood there in a long white dress, her dark, plum coloured ringlets resting on her chest.

She's smiling at me, those dark eyes twinkling, I'm speechless.

I want her to forgive me for letting her die, for not being able to save her, for not telling her that I was in love with her earlier…

Why is she here? Is this real or just in my head? Is this heaven? Are my suspicions correct have I truly died? Has she been waiting for me all this time? Did she know I was going to die?

I have questions, so many questions and yet here I stand silent, if it was possible for me to cry I would, but this is a place with no tears, this is a place where we can finally be together me and her.

"Don't you want to know how everyone else is doing? It'll haunt you if you don't know and you can't pass if something from the living world is holding you back." she says.

This triggers more questions but I daren't speak in case this is just a cruel trick, a dream of some kind and then I'll wake in a hospital bed and she'll be gone and I'll be all alone missing her.

Its painful to look at her, to remember the first time we slept together when she insisted that I 'teach her.' To remember Julia and how jealous Lexie was, to remember my daughter and how I screwed everything up by trying to force Lexie to adjust her life around us. To remember how I felt when I saw her with Avery, and the worst memory of all once again her death scene, how I told her we'd have children, she'd be an excellent surgeon, how I loved her and how we were meant to be.

I open my mouth but my throat is dry, there are no words coming out, I stare pitifully at Lexie communicating with my eyes, thankfully I think she understands.

"Derek has a new hand, Arizona is an amputee, Callie had to take off her leg and Arizona won't speak to her, Cristina's left and you're…dead." says Lexie.

I stand shocked as all this sinks in but I'm glad I know, I don't want to be bound to anyone or anything except for Lexie.

Why is she talking about them, does she not want to talk about us?

"Do you forgive me?" I finally ask her.

Lexie looks confused and she takes a step closer to me and takes my hand, I'm not sure if it's real or just my imagination but I can feel her soft skin against mine.

"What do you mean forgive you?" she asks.

"I…I let you die…the plane it wouldn't move, you died in my arms, I couldn't stop it and I…" I can't finish even though she's with me my mind has not yet processed this information, it still burns from the raw pain of loss.

"It wasn't your fault Mark, but if you want forgiveness than yes." she says and she laughs, that tinkling laugh which warmed my heart.

"Is this even real or just in my head?" I ask.

"Of course it's real, you're dead, I'm dead I've been waiting for you." she says.

I think remembering something which seems important.

"You said I wouldn't be able to pass over if anything haunted me, did that happen to you?" I ask.

Lexie shakes her hand in a 'kind of' motion.

"As soon as I died, I could see everything, I knew that you was going to die and so I waited, I couldn't pass because you said that we were 'meant to be' I couldn't cross over because I wasn't ready to die." she says sadly.

I feel a pang of guilt, I've kept her here.

"So you don't know what it's like on the other side?" I ask.

She shakes her head "No but I don't care I had to find you, as you're here with me, and my mom then I'm happy and when Meredith and everyone else died they'll be with us too." she says.

I put my arms around her holding her close to me and I know that if I was alive I'd have this pain in my chest, that kind when you hold back tears and it feels like your suffocating.

"Lexie are you free of everything now then? Are you at peace?" I ask.

Lexie nods "Now that I know you won't get lost here and I'm finally with you again yes, are you at peace?" she asks.

I think about earth, Callie will be hurting but she has Arizona and they'll take care of Sofia and Derek has Meredith, I know that they'll be okay.

I nod and we walk forwards until I see a shape forming in front of us.

Straight in front of us is a set of gates, it's impossible to see what's beyond all I can see is more blinding, white light.

I never thought this actually existed, I always believed that heaven was just a cliché. Something which humans had dreamt up to ease their pain of losing their loved ones but now I realise that this is real.

This is the gateway to heaven.

As we get closer the gates creak open, Lexie takes a step forwards and when I peer inside I can see the shapes of different spirits, all good and pure hearted people.

This is it, and I feel…scared.

"Lexie, how do you know that this is what's supposed to happen?" I ask nervously.

Lexie smiles softly and then leans up and kisses me before slipping her small hand in mine.

"That's simple Mark, it's because we're meant to be." she says and as we walk forwards the gates close behind us and my anxiety fades away, I believe her.

I know that I'm well and truly gone from the world of the living, I'm back where I belong with Lexie and I feel…happy.


End file.
